Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I will paint your face with my blood!

I will paint your face with my blood!!!
So...there's this videogame I play.  One of the bad guys from a while back says, "I will paint my face with your blood!"  He's kind of a bad-A Viking guy and it sounds appropriate coming from him.  Not so much for us.

While I was finishing up my last blog post, I asked Bubba to take Ben in the back yard and play with him.  He agreed, after picking out his "hobbit" outfit for tomorrow's school project.

Right about the time I hit "publish", Bubba carried a screaming, bleeding Ben inside.  OMG, that kid can bleed.  If there's an Olympic event for bleeding, I think we're a shoe-in.  And it's not just that he can bleed a lot...he can get artistic with it.  He did some Jackson Pollock in our kitchen, and then he gave me a good looking over.  Quite deliberately, he put his finger in some arterial blood and then smeared it across my cheeks.  Then he took a little venous blood and built some sort of artistic statement  across my forehead.

He's fine...stop worrying, Mom.  We've had a bath and are on track for bed time.

BTW, have y'all seen Dexter?  No reason (Mom, don't watch that show).

Spelling "creative" with a "k" are we?

Kelly, from Unplanned Trip to Holland, tagged me with an award.  Schweet, thanks Kelly!

I'm supposed to tell y'all 10 things about myself that you probably don't know, and then tag 6 more bloggers to do the same.  It's kind of like being in a viral creative writing class.

 Ok, here goes:

1)  I'm a cradle robbing stalker.  I met my wife in sailing class while she was in between her junior and senior years of college.  I was working as a research scientist at the U after having finished a master's.  Prior to that, I worked for 5 years in the aerospace industry.  That puts me 9 years older than her.  Slightly creepy?  It's ok -- I'm very immature. 

I pretty much fell in love with her on the last day of sailing class when we spent several hours on a 20' boat together (there were a couple of other people on it too).  She was dynamic, decisive, and full of joy.  Later, I looked her up in the campus directory and fixed in my mind the few details it gave (that's the stalker part).

It turned out we had mutual friends.  One night in the "Age of Aquarius" (now-defunct nightclub), I was sitting with some of them when she came bopping up in her little blue dress.  I immediately said, "Hi J!"  She was a little set aback, not remembering me at all from the boat.

It took a few months for her to realize that I was attention-worthy, but things have worked out.  That was about 17 years ago.

2)  I'm part Cherokee.  My great-grandmother on my dad's side was half.  That makes me at least a sixteenth.  We think there's some on my mom's side too.  I use this to vex my wife periodically, e.g.  "My people's skin does not burn like yours.  I need no sunscreen."

3)  I was a teenage mathlete.  We had the best math teacher ever in high school, Mr. Harold "Tomcat" Knight.  He was a quirky fellow - I'm pretty sure he had Asperger's - but he was totally devoted to math and preparing kids for the annual Tennessee Math Teachers Association contest.  We practiced as much as the football team, starting before school, practicing during math class in a separate room, and during lunch.  We were the only group of kids who showed up to take the test in jacket and tie.  We won, too, every year.

4)  I am completely disinterested in pro sports or college athletics.  I like making snacks for the Superbowl, and will occasionally watch the commercials (they're better on YouTube, though).  It drives my wife a little nuts that I recently obsessed over Friday Night Lights and watched the whole series in about a month.

5) The Three Stooges helped me become agnostic.  When I was 6 or so, I had my tonsils out.  Instead of going to church that Sunday with Mom, I stayed home and watched the stooges and ate ice cream.  A few weeks later, my Dad had a talk with me, saying I didn't have to go to church if I didn't want to.  He explained that he was agnostic, and what that meant.  I distinctly remember thinking, "If I stay home on Sundays, I can watch more stooges."  So far, decision-making-by-stooge has worked for me.

Mount Olympus
6)  I climbed the west slab of Mount Olympus (Salt Lake, not Greece) with my buddies in grad school.  It was 13 pitches (50 meter rope lengths).  I didn't wear sunscreen because I didn't want slippery fingers.  (turns out my people's skin does burn after enough exposure).

7)  My greatest accomplishment was winning the archery competition at the 4-H Wildlife Conference in 8th grade.  The prize was a real bow.

8)  I am a World of Warcraft junkie, and have eight level 85 characters.  Bonus fact:  I like D&D, too.

9)  I cook things from scratch (when my wife is not out of town).  I like to make chili, spaghetti sauce, lamb curry, stir fried stuff, hoppin' john, shepherd's pie, and pizza among other things.  Lovely Wife is out of town right now, so I'd be happy to drop some corn dogs in the deep-fryer, but we have a looot of leftovers to munch through.

10)  I have a tattoo.  If you internet people already knew that, then I'm a little creeped out right now.

Ok, I've spent way too much time on this, and I need to get some dinner on the table.  I'm going to go ahead and tag ONE blogger.  If I can, I'll add some more later.  I hereby tag Christine at thinking.over.coffee .

Saturday, March 3, 2012

wash that kid

Tagged!
You know how parking police mark cars with chalk to keep track of how long they've been parked?  I'm pretty sure Ben's teachers do that to make sure we're bathing him regularly.

I don't mind -- I need the motivation.  Giving Ben a bath usually means I will get pretty soaked myself.  Tub poops are a rare occurrence, but they're memorable.

We do try to give him regular baths...it is a good ritual for bedtime.  That and brushing teeth...yikes.

my feet are freezing, but I don't care a bit.
That picture was from earlier in the week.  We went walkabout today for several hours.  We had a big snow recently and it's warmed up since then.  This made for many puddles in which to stomp.

Sadly, Ben did not want to wear his snowboots on this jaunt, so his school shoes are quite soaked.   Also sadly, he took a fall while I was talking to Grandma on the phone.  He loooves to stomp on ice, but that stuff is slippery.  He wound up falling and smacking his face on some rough ice.  Ouch.

Sigh.  If you'd like to see some well-scrubbed kids with no injuries, check out my favorite blogger.  They're prepping for the Olympics over there, and it's a cute-fest.